Let’s get Something Straight

Now that I’m back there is a rather pressing issue that I feel needs to be addressed. It has been nagging at me for a while now, and I feel it is time for me to thoroughly explain it to the masses (ok, to my less than 100 daily readers).

I have noticed a disturbing trend in the area of men’s hair.

I am and always have been a fan of long and longish hair on men. It’s hot, period. But the shaggy haired, blow dried sea of teens I see every time I go out in public today is just all wrong.

You see, looking like you just don’t give a shit and can’t be bothered to adhere to social norms enough to worry about hair length is extremely hot.

Looking like you spent more time and used more products and appliances on your hair than I did, is not.

I feel better.

Completely gratuitous:

Hi my Name is Amber and I’m Co-dependent

Friends of mine know that my favorite pastime is psychoanalyzing. I research personality types, disorders and psychological theories for fun. I spend a disproportionate amount of time listening to peoples’ problems and giving them advice. What goes unmentioned is how this behavior is, in itself, quite worthy of analysis. It’s time I turned the lens on myself.

I have a history of abandonment that could rival any attention-seeking stripper named Angel. While some women with this background may turn to pole dancing and other male (daddy)  attracting activities, others develop what is called a co-dependent personality. There are two main types of co-dependent personalities:

• The Taker
• The Caretaker

Though they present in different manners, both come from the same place of abandonment and dysfunction in a child’s family life. Both learn to validate themselves through the feelings of others, after many years of “stuffing” their own painful feelings to the point that they become unable to even identify their own emotions at times.

I have always kept my friends few because friendship is exhausting to me. I get overly involved. I get overly attached. When my friend feels emotional pain, I don’t just sympathize because I know what it feels like, I feel it with them. I put aside my own responsibilities and jeopardize my other relationships in order to give a friend my help or advice when I think they need it. When someone wrongs my friend, I feel as though I have been wronged by them as well.  I am drawn to Takers, and they to me, like moths to flame. People who are “naive” and in need of guidance, people with constant chaos, people who live in a perpetual state of drama; these people will find me, and I will find them. And develop gloriously dysfunctional relationships with them.

It is not the fact that I do these things, but why I do these things that makes me identify with the Co-dependent Caretaker personality. The sad truth is, I fear, that I emotionally over-extend myself to my friends to feed my own dysfunction. When I am over my head in someone else’s problems, I don’t have to face my own. When I’m giving someone advice that they find useful, I can forget about how useless I feel in every other area of my life. Then, I get to feel unappreciated and wronged and martyr when I don’t get the same level of dysfunctional companionship in return. If I can make myself needed by someone, maybe they won’t leave me behind. That’s what it comes down to, really.

I didn’t really expect to bare this much here, and I’m having a difficult time hitting the Publish button, but I’m going to anyway. Mostly because I haven’t blogged in over 3 months and my readers have dwindled to almost nil anyway.

For help dealing with co-dependency, visit Co-dependent’s Anonymous

I need one of those _____s Anonymous groups

I have stumbled upon the most addictive thing ever this week.

There is this group on Flickr called Pimp My Pixels.

People post their picture on the group’s discussion board and then you get to make them fabulous!!!!

My laundry will never be finished again, nor will my eyes be without chronic strain.

Here are a few of my favorite creations:

And I thought Twitter would be the death of my free time!

Who wants to send me a headshot and get fabulous?

When am I Having More Kids?

I swear to Godzilla I hear this question almost every.day.of. my. life. I hear it from Other Mom in the doctor’s office waiting room. I hear it from the doctor herself.  I hear it from relatives. When I connect to old aquantances online, the first response I get is “Oh I see you have one kid, when are you having more? Oh, you mean when am I planning to…

spend 3/4 of a year drenched in the kind of misery that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy?

get fat after it’s taken me over 3 years to get so-close-but-still-not-even-there-yet to my pre-pregnancy weight?

wrack up hundreds of  dollars of debt in office visit co-pays and lab work?

pay someone thousands of dollars to rip a screaming, goo covered mutant from my burning bloody loins?

come up with about $1400 for formula, $800 for baby food, $500 for diapers, $300 for wipes, plus clothing, bottles, doctor visits and all the billion accessories babies need in one year when I am lucky when I’m able to pay all of my bills in the same month? That seems irresponsible.

Or maybe you mean when am I planning to…

say goodbye to the remaining pea-sized dab of my sanity so that I can deal with 2 screaming terrorists every second of my life instead of just one?

go back to bottles and midnight feedings and lugging everything I own around with me including a non-walking child every time I leave the house? Oh and add a toddler to the mix.

commit to listening to the sound of siblings bickering at least 80% of the time for the next 15 years or more?

forget about starting a career any time in the next 10 years, since there is no way I can find a starting salary that will cover daycare for 2 kids?

When am I planning to do these things? Let me tell you when. Never. That’s right. I have no desire to reproduce ever again. And I don’t think I should have to feel abnormal because of it. Yet, when I tell people this in answer I am almost always faced with raised eyebrows, a shocked “Why not?” Or disbelief in the form of insistence on the fact that I don’t really know what I want and I will surely change my mind because I’m just an unstable little 24 year old. I wonder why they ask at all, when they clearly know the answer better than I do.

The fact in this country is that about 80% of parents have more than one child. If that makes them happy then that is fanfuckingtastic! However, I am tired of people propagating the myth that couples with children are happier than those without, and somehow by relation more children=more happiness.

Some will insist that the issue is not about the parents at all. We must have more children so that poor A.C. isn’t doomed to be an <gasp> Only Child! It is downright cruel, they will tell you. After all, only-children are lonely, strange, selfish and spoiled!

I would like to share a few facts about only-children:

• Only-children tend to having higher IQ scores than children with siblings
• Achievement in academics and in general appears to higher in only-children
• Only-children are less likely to drink alcohol as teenagers
• Studies show greater self esteem and self reliance in only-children
• Only-children are often more comfortable with adults than are children with siblings
• There is no evidence that only children are handicapped by their lack of siblings

So, Old Lady at the Grocery Store, Volunteer at the Library and anyone else who may be wondering: No, I don’t plan to have any more kids. No, I don’t want to have any more kids. No, I don’t feel like I’m putting my son at a disadvantage in the selfish interest of preserving my own sanity and emotional, psychological and financial well-being.

Thank you so much for asking.

Edited to add that my Mother In Law is 100% innocent of the aforementioned crimes against my sanity, as well as all other acts of prying commonly committed by her ilk.

101 In 1001 Update

Fail. Massive fail. Check in next month for more failure.

In the Next 1001 Days…

New Years Resolutions are so last year! I’ve been inspired by Diana, who was inspired by Zandria to plan my own 101 in 1001. That is, 101 things I want to accomplish in the next 1001 days. Now, 1001 days is a long time; over 2 1/2 years. So, I’ve decided to split my list in half. I have started with 50 items and in 500 days I will list the second 51 items. My first 50 are as follows:

1. Paint and trim A.C.’s room
2. Get twin bed for A.C.’s room
3. Meet with NWTC (local technical college) adviser by 1/31/09
4. Reach 135 lbs by 1/1/10
5. Spend at least one hour of uninterrupted family time each day
6. Have a date night with husband at least 1x every 6 weeks
7. Have a date with myself at lease 1x per month
8. Meal plan dinners each pay period
9. Get library card
10. Attend a tweetup
11. Increase A.C.’s school days per week by Feb ‘09
12. Train Ernie to walk on hind legs on command
13. Litter train the rats
14. Completely stop drinking Coke
15. Have at least 8 cavities filled
16. Make at least $50 from home in ‘09
17. Have a job and/or school plan in place for 2010 by 9/30/09
18. Have strict bedtime routine in place for A.C. by 1/31/09
19. Work out on Wii Fit 4x per week
20. Work out other than Wii Fit at least 1x per week
21. Get WI driver’s license before March ‘09
22. Blog at least 2x per week, including monthly updates on my 101 in 1001
23. Have a clothes swap party
24. Make at least one new RL (Real life, meaning in-person) friend
25. Make eggplant parmesan
26. Check out Bookstop
27. Donate 10+ toys
28. Potty train
29. Play Guitar Hero on hard
30. Research herb garden
31. Write letter to Friend 1x per month
32. Call Mother 1x per month
33. Complete (including put away) at least one load of laundry every day
34. Deep clean bathroom every weekend
35. Get food processor
36. Save $1000 toward new floors
37. Replace bathroom blinds
38. Replace living room blinds with curtains
39. Replace master bedroom curtains
40. Paint master bedroom
41. Get real night tables
42. Reduce electric bill to $100 or less in winter
43. Keep electric bill at $175 or less in summer
44. Holiday shop throughout the year
45. Visit Michigan
46. Fence the backyard
47. Sweep and bleach the basement floor
48. Find cheap flooring for laundry corner
49. Find a local farmers’ market
50. Trade in GameCube games toward The Sims 3

The second 51 will be coming in the summer of 2010. Everyone share your resolutions or make your own 101 in 1001 and post it on your blog! Write it down and make it happen.

Happy New Year!

Kids and Cats and Rats, Oh My!

When I was a kid I had a pair of pet rats. They were easily the most awesome pets I ever had. Throughout my adult years I have longed to have the pitter patter of little ratty feet in my home again, but the odds were always stacked against me; my landlords always said no, I already have two cats and an unpredictable three year old, I married a man who shrieks like a girl when a mouse gets into the house.

Recently I decided to give up on my quest and decided that I would focus on aquiring a puggle instead. But the idea never left my head.

This year I thought I would give it one more try. We are in our own house now so the only person I would have to convince was The Hub. I spent an afternoon loading up an online shopping cart with all the supplies I would need. I bookmarked pages of info. I forced Hub to watch dozens of adorable YouTube videos of pet rats cuddling with cats, playing fetch, jumping hurdles and swimming in bath tubs. Finally, he caved.

And that is the story of how I got two awesome new family members for my birthmas this year.

Meet Ernie and Bert:

This is their townhouse (”Cage” just sounds so mean!):

Ernie is a (semi) hairless Dumbo and Bert is a blue hooded Fancy. Like their namesakes, Bert is the more calm and mature of the two. He is very happy to lay in place in your lap and brux into semi-consciousness. Ernie is just a kook who most of the time doesn’t even walk but rather hops around at warp speed like some kind of hairless meth-head. He prefers to ride around on the top of your head.

I was a bit concerned that they might not get along since they were not raised together, but they immediately became BFFs and jumped straight into bed together:

They even share their goldfish crackers:

I’m totally in love with Crazy Ernie

and The Hub is quite fond of Bert. The cats are remarkably uninterested and the kid has even started stopping in front of their townhouse each morning and saying “Hi Baaaabies!”

All is well. Except for that now the male to female ratio has been bumped up to 4:1. Boo.

Ah, Winter

I took The Kid out to play in the snow the other day.

After we came in I saw on the news that it was -12°F. Oops.

Never fear, I had him thawed out in a jiffy:

Ah, winter.

New Page Alert!

Breaking News:

HeathenMommy now writes for several websites and an updated list of articles will be kept on this new page for when you just can’t get enough HM! Or when you feel like helping a girlfriend out and increasing page views and ad revenue.

Happy Holidays!

This Yogurt is so Good…

This is hilarious. I hate those douchey yogurt commercials!

more about “This Yogurt is so Good… “, posted with vodpod